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Defining our new Identity

Defining our Identity by our own terms

Its a weekend agin and I have to be honest I was not entirely sure to be happy or panic at first when I woke up to the sound of the kids playing, shouting and combating about in the background as usual. From a quick glance at the window and my own speculation of the coming weather I knew that this entire afternoon is best spent in the citys head library where they not only have loads of children’s activities but also have a cosy play corner surrounded by comfy soffas, pillows and other energetic playful kids that will definitely entertain my two ruthlessly play loving lively kids. As much as I love them and love to play with them, sometimes I just have to find ways get them entertained while I do some work at the same time. The Library is a good place for that

When they are at this calm but activities field corner though, I know from experience that they are so curious and bussy with their own amusements that they not only ignore me but throw me away as if I was some tired old broken toy. Unless they get into trouble with other little riots like themselves, they want none to do with me. Luckily today seams to turn out to be one such day. By now I have learned to use this to my advantage so good thing I brought my lapptopp with me to do some of my own work in the background sipping latte typing.

Luckily there aren’t many parents here today so I can sit quietly and continue to tapp on my lapptopp like  a maniac without receiving judging looks thrown at me for not being an ”adequate” parent. ”Adequate parent”!? What is that ? Why do I have a feeling that most non white parents have this mildly unease and subconscious fear of being judged by the white norm in public places? Or is it just me? I often feel that most foreigners or non whites have this obligation to prove and be adequate or in some other-way be accommodating or adjusting to the norm that someone else have created for us. Off-course this must have come from years and years of the adjusting process that have been going for a duration of time now among the diasporas. Adjusting to the so called white norm that is.

For a while now I have wondered what ”adequate” really even means and why should I bother to be bothered about someone else expecting that from me? Because in my memory as a young immigrant child in Stockholm it hadn’t just been two different sets of the meaning of the word ”adequate” in the dual cultures that I grew up in but many other ones. Especially when I recall my entire neighborhood at that time. We lived in a suburb where immigrant population was high and it had always been different standards of parenting styles alternating from the Swedish norm but at the same time that we were all adjusting and assimilating to gradually as time went.

In fact I remember as a very young child sitting on the subway with my family wondering and asking my dad as usual a number of irritating questions as some (maybe annoying) kids sometimes do. (And in my family I must have been that one type of kid) Anyway I remember vividly how shocking the new norm that I had arrived to was in comparison from what was ”normal” in my world before.  I kept wondering how funny people looked and acted like in this new country, little did I know the people of this country were also looking at me with similar wonder?

It was a wintery december in the middle of the eighties and as a newly arrived child I consistently and curiously asked my father often with deep sympathy and vague sadness in my heart why and how almost all people in the train we sat on were always so incredibly white? And had so very sharp noses? And such very thin lips? He and my mother just laughed at me and explained simply that this is the way people look like here. But I still doubted and was a little resistent to believe them. I thought that I will prove them wrong soon if I just find and discover normal people like me again around somewhere. They must be somewhere

Maybe people like my grandpa and grandma or my uncles my aunties my friends and cousins, but couldn’t find any, even if turned around every person and took a proper look at them. Surely the entire country can not be affected by a disaster of looking like this I thought hesitantly? Mom and dad must have been mistaking? But eventually I learned to accept that the only brown people who I will see that looked like me/us here were some of those that my family visited or were visited by regularly. But the norm as my parents said was what it was.

And reminiscing with a smile back on the past now just made me realize that the word ”adequate” Is not only outdated and irrelevant for my becoming of me but also doesn’t apply to this generation at all. Not any more and not in the same way. We are not adequate and weren’t meant to be adequate. We were made to think that way. And in this context, It isn’t just an old ghostlike irrelevant word from old memories. But the word ’adequate’ as well as the word ’norm’ are both unnecessary for us today right here and now. It is up to anyone to decide and define how to singlehandedly or collectively reshape themselves and create new norms without specifically adhering to any other norms.

Thus knowing ones true ’self’ and ones identity is so so so very important to us all in order to do that. So get busy living, getting to know and defining yourselves as well as getting the kids to do the same before anyone else or any other words are used to define you and yours. Realizing this also makes me and understand why I have chosen to follow my inner intensions and go on my own path to design forth my coming collection that I am creating with the intuitiv need to redefine my own identity. This way I can also add to all of you with my ancestral cultural Identity. I call it an expression of self love and self definition. I look forward to show the final work soon and hope you will like it too. But for now I like to encourage anyone who is on their path to self love and self definition. To keep going until you get there ! 😉

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I am not a feminist and I don’t ever want to be one! Ever!

I am not a feminist and I don’t ever want to be one agin! Ever!

Not because I want to defend men. They can do that by them selves if they want to. Nor do I want to be owned, controlled or spoiled by them either. But because I have come to mature and realize that I respect myself enough to call myself simply and clearly a WOMAN now. As if it was not self evident already.  I don’t need extra titles, embellishments or a pronouncements given to me by institutions or others. Nor women or men need define what I am. I know already that I am a strong woman. And that is mine and only ”mine” to define. And I definitely don’t need to be saved nor by men or a group of uppset women who call themselves ”feminists”.

I am already saved spiritually thank you very much. It is not and should not be regarded as shameful to be what nature intended us to be a ”Woman”.  If you don t like and you want to change that then change it. Who am I to judge you.  But I tell you it is of very much virtue to be a woman actually, almost holy. To be a woman and a mother is the most rewarding experience I have ever have by far. Way above all professional tittles i have ever had and will come to have despite being a mother and a …..  w o m a n! (minus the feminist label plus a uterus and a womb) 

What have changed now around me as a woman and a mother is that I have adjusted life and work routines according to mine and my highly prioritized, valuable little kids. Unfortunately something had to be sacrificed in return,,, soooo,,,,unimportant people, events, frenemies and other bagages had to go unfortunately though it was fun and games while it lasted. As for me it lasted enough to let it go. Otherwise there wouldn’t be room for this (feminist free but) fairytale like deeply satisfying purpose full life full of creativity, joy and opportunities. So the choice was obvious. Besides we are just discovering the consequences of feminism and more have to be investigated but from what I have yet detected yet its definitely not pretty at all. But thats another subject   

However I don’t regard being a feminist as less worthy I just feel it doesn’t describe me whole fully anymore. I kind of have grown out of it I suppose. And why cant anyone do that? I still like to view the battling feminists out there as warriors though so it is not shameful to be a feminist either. If you are a proud feminist then be just that. But don’t go insulting others who have different views please it is class less and if not embarrassing. Be a warrior battling for your self or children or what ever you believe is worth fighting for. Because it is only you who can deliver you from whatever you are going through by making the choices that only apply to your life. No one else can truly save you so go fight your fight sister white, yellow, red  or black. As long as you are here on earth alive you will have to fight always. But I highly recommend that you are thoroughly aware of what you are fighting for, about or against for your own sake

So just because you are a feminist doesn’t mean that I view you as less of a human or throw you out without cause. However disrespect me and you are out of my radar forever and ever into molecular nothingness. Other than that I really  don’t have the need to diss encourage you nor anyone else of different views than my self. So go fight your fight. If you know that feminism is what you have to do now in your life ..….then by all means go ahead attain your freedom through that. I and other sisters regardless of what we call ourselves can only serve as support to you maybe even cooperate with you to a certain extent. But at the end of the day a woman should save herself first if she wants to own herself. By no mean should she give her self to feminism, masculinism or any other ”ism”. She is hers and only herself’s owner first and formost.  And through her own shine enlighten the way for other women that need her light during their struggle. A blind can not lead the blind.

For me It is important that I am very clear about this statement as a woman so as to make women more aware that their expectation from political movements such as feminism is a realistic one and that they don’t get exploited by other misguided/misguiding women out there. Oftentimes by women who themselves are not equipped or ready to face reality. Or refuse to actually do the job for themselves and end up consuming others and dragging you with them in their temptingly cosy dark place called hate as well as use you to meet their own ends

Hate and revenge which is prevalent in movements such as feminism as we know is completely unproductive even when it definitely needs to initially be felt first before moving on. And moving on from hate is absolutely essential if one wants to achieve positive results. To say otherwise would be to lie or mislead and miss-use vulnerable women’s energy. And I don’t want to do that because I am 100% sure that any woman can liberate herself by herself even when getting necessary help. If I could get through to this level of peace, power and self appreciation that I gained today despite all the impediments and hell I went through (which I will properly account and address soon) then why couldn’t anyone else

And what better gift to your loved ones is there than your happiness in life? To have someone nearby who can support and spread happiness into almost every aspect of life. But like I mentioned perhaps feminism is a stage in a woman’s life and can be appreciated as such. Just don’t join on it with the expectation that the movement or its participants will liberate you. Don’t assume that they want your best. They cant. Even if they want to. You liberate your self and contribute to them/it by adding your success story that you have in common with women like your self. Thats is the right order

Feminism is simply a platform nor good or bad in my opinion. Tough you do have to be careful of your integrity, your value, your name, your identity and all that is yours alone. Because parasites are everywhere and if you let them they will consume you. So one has to set boundaries everywhere. Not because we don’t trust our friends but because we know there are users and abusers of all sorts out there to prey among the vulnerable and unprotected. Just observe how protected the business world is and how many lawyers there are out there professionally protecting others properties. And what more is more worth to protect than your and your dear ones lives and life quality? One have to protect themselves from all sorts of thieves not just material burglary but theft in regards to ones energy, time mood, purpose, creativity, productivity ans. all that is your wealth

We may be biological alike as women and humans but we are definitely NOT the same. Not everyone are as nice, or innocent as they appear or want to be. Personally I have come to the conclusion that feminism as an all encompassing movement is in deed a battle with very mixed massages, unclear causes and cloudy leaderships. (Sorry to be honest and puncture egos dear white carer, orientated feminist) But obviously the unaddressed and unsolved unfair social differences between women will always stay in the way and will undoubtably cause imbalances as well as misdirections. So we have to find other ways to unify or solve these problems first.

However in my own personal liberation struggle I have arrived to victory now. I have attained my freedom at last. My fight and adventure in life may not be over but I am at peace and free from jealous competitive bitter women as well as controlling and possessive men. Thank God. I thank and respect all the beautiful hearted people I came across along the way. Some which are there still and others not. I love those that still inspire me and all those that have and still are fighting in life to be able to see the sunny side of it. And I also thank and respect the women white, black or of any other beautiful color that have made the decision to leave hate and bitterness behind to join hands with the aim to make a better world as feminists, heroines or just as simply as virtuous  women and divine mothers (minus the feminist label) 🙂

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Yes to humanism! But what actually is feminism?

Yes to humanism! But what actually is feminism?

Feminism is all about women’s rights isn’t it? And although we have come a long way in the development process for equality between the sexes, one doesn’t have to be a genius to figure out that only a minmal few carefully chosen women are put in privileged positions today while the rest live under constant pressure or are totally ignored. So is feminism about liberating all women or only the very few chosen ones?  Humanism on the other hand is comprehensible and easier to understand. You either have empathy or you don’t. You are either a humanist or you are not and your actions will quickly reveal you of your claim to be one or not (although we are are all in different developmental stage off course). But the important aspect of humanism in contrast to feminism is that it is about “doing” the right thing that most of us instinctively feel deep in our core to “do”. Another definition of humanism is the realisation of the fact that all humans no matter what race, sex, lifestyle or religion are equally worth at the bottom. Well at least that is the ideal that we as society hope to achieve and yes in my opinion we  still have a whole lot more to learn and apply to our lives to obtain this. But the concept of humanism is still much clearer to use as a common goal for all. When I compare these two ideas/philosophies I still find that humanism is a much more helpful tool to use as a compass in actually attaining the ultimate equality between the sexes which feminism cant seem to bring.  The history of humanism is more established and genuinely rooted deeply in our societies as well as supported by law constitutions almost all over the world even when injustices still happen  

As a mother to a boy and a girl myself I try to constantly be aware that I give both my kids a fair chance and encouragement to realize their purpose and goals in life until they can do that for themselves. It is never to early to start engaging or helping them figure out what and how they want to spend their lives here on earth. I do know it is relatively easy not to worry so much and relax a tad bit about their life plans when they are so young. But the sooner you bring routines, order and discipline in the household the less conflicts and drama is my experience. This is probably more or less ( and maybe better or worse) like how almost all modern families carry on their lives as families I assume?

Back to my question about feminism. How does feminism as a movement serve equality to humans here today and in our families? A predictable answer is that it helps the female in a family household to find strength and be empowered by being inspired of other strong females or role models right? And since women have been and still are repressed by the patriarchal structural power, feminism undoubtedly is still serving as an ”anti patriarchal structure”. Metaphorically speaking this resembles much like initiating  a war between the sexes really. The idea is of feminism is a good intension initiated from some very courageous women in different eras of history, by which our world is greatly improved today. As a woman who battled and still battles for my own freedom from previous controlling relationships, societies expectation of me ans, I too feel the need to question my self of my role in this world as a female as well. Which I believe is the starting point for most of the feminists in history too before they geared up to battle in big or small ways and deal with their own privat matters that turned out to be an official issue in regards to equality for all women.

These women in history simply bumped into hinderances in their private lives which demanded their courage hence dealt with the issues that they shared in common with other females perhaps without knowing they were changing the games in the system. Together or individually they managed to push boundaries and limitations. To call them feminists now in my opinion is to limit and reduce these heroines down to what have become some sort of a fancy label that ”feminism” is today. ”Heroines” sounds more relevant and appropriate, at least it doesn’t put them in a box. A box that one can kidnap or buy into for seeming to appear as politically correct. This behavior is very apparent in most political campaigns and structural systems that rather talk the talk of feminism but don’t deliver any significant changes or progressive results.

Other confusing contribution to this box called feminism is off course men who call themselves feminists which really is another heading to be discussed separately in another article that I most probably will write about here soon. But I just want to point out here the ambiguous and blurred picture that feminist men add to blur the movement even further.  I understand and like many welcome the role of supporting males to the struggle women face but to call oneself a feminist as a man sounds confusing and sends warning signals to the defense department of my awareness. And the signal is repetitiv but mildly alarming me to be careful with a chap like this.  What I am trying to illustrate in words is really the difference between what the female heroines of the past did and sacrificed versus what we modern women/people are not doing. Instead of actually contributing to the movement (box) by helping in small or big ways many often just stripp the movement off its glory for own agendas and profits in order to appear as though they are

This is unfortunately what I am observing about feminism today. The thirsty need to own, associate or milk out whatever possible of the label called feminism. Few wants to give for it, to struggle for it but all want to get the glory from it. This is so apparent in our modern society both among individuals and political systems of today. It has become a hot trend that you show at social gatherings and events.  A desperate attempt to appear as more feminist than any other political party, company or individual is considered status issue.

In many political systems its gone so far that maintaining the illusion of equality by choosing a few obedient women will even discriminate men as well as other races with more merits. These chosen few womens appearance as ”role models” or ”proof” of maintaining equality in the system is a bait for younger girls to do anything for the men still in power. Contrary to the original idea of the feminism movement, now the movement kidnapped/bought of by some fake feminist patriarchal power is yet controlling women but in slyer ways using the most desperat ones

This is done mostly through manipulation or corrupted individuals coming bout to agreement in the name of ?…… yes feminism!. So instead of achieving, earning and owning their own glory women now not only serve as puppets but also mislead an entire young generation of women. to waist their lives appeasing men and being robbed of their free will and own power. Completely contradicting the values of feminism yet running under the shiny label of feminism it self. These acts of traitor-ship and double-morally conning one self by conning the masses are not only ruining the movement itself but also overlooking other competent and potential women who most likely would be better leaders for future generations. How is that equality?

An obvious example of this can be perceived in the coming US presidential vote with Hilary Clinton. Needles to say that I much prefer Clinton against Trump, but I can’t help to wonder how many other competent female leader have been ignored in favor of one woman that the system managed to present to the voters? But even more importantly this coning behaviour in politics and in general population reflects how far behind the work of equality actually is in reality and everyday life, as a pose to the classic feminism rhetorics we all hear.  This is considered to liberate women today?