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Time for new Beginnings


Easter is here again so before wishing you a happy one I have decided to share some ( maybe provoking) thoughts in the hope to awaken and bring some healing change. To me Easters main message is “rebirth” through forgiveness and letting go in order to restart fresh beginnings again. I hope this is useful to anyone but I am specifically considering the black community. Simply because I think that the time to let go of past hurts and bitterness have long been overdue. Still I keep coming across bitter and pathetic reasons to dwell, blame and hate in this community like no other. I am NOT saying that we black people have/are not being treated unfairly. We are.

Not only by the “white populations” capitalistic system but also by our own and most other people too unfortunately. Just look at the classic corruption scheming model being successfully used over and over by the west in Africa. It wasn’t always like this you know? There were ones glory days for this now brutally abused continent. But the corrupted leaders of today in this very rich continent are the very loyal allies of the oppressors. Another milder form of conning black people within the west is seen in the whole Obama leadership. Personally I like the Obamas very much but by now, I with many more understand the symbolism behind this fruitless election. Having a first black president may have been very special and thrilling in the land where blacks were once slaves? I understand that. See, I on the other hand come from a country and a continent were there not only always ruled black presidents from the beginning of time but also black emperors and king of kings as well as renowned queens.

As a black person residing in the west I am now expected to be thrilled and gratefully receive a “role model” for the first time by the good will of “white” benevolence? Hello! Where have some black people hidden their brains and voices nowadays? Under a stone in the shadows? I urge you to dig it out and place it back to your heads again please. We may be a minority in the west but we are not dumb. For heavens sake! Who is playing who here? No! There are no “first times” for black people. Sorry to ruin your self pity and illusionary low expectations. Stop commercialising/selling your ideas and selves as the first black person to achieve this or that. There have been many blacks before you that most probably achieved many things with more limitations and ignored recognitions. But most importantly there will be more a lot more to come. So stop falling for this limiting scheme now immediately. It is more abusing and hindering than promoting. It comes from a limited mind

I am not saying not to be proud and lift achievements of black success today. Please do. We need plenty of that. Regardless of how uncomfortable others may react. But rethink and refrain from the label “the first or only black” as an old marketing cliche. You are helping in belittling our race as inferior and incapable when you focus on our colour to this extent (or at least add “the first black after slavery” to achieve this or that). In fact this schemingly trendy idea is nothing but a corrupted convenient way for whites to sell you their dogmas. Have you even thought about that or do you believe that we all are as corrupted?

Yes, the Obama effect has become very commercial even in Europe now ready to be milked out  symbolically and drag us all blacks further behind again. Because blacks cannot achieve anything by themselves right? They need the white mans assistance, validation and humane benevolence to come to power positions so they have to appeal to the white majority only by sympathy votes hm? Not by fighting their battles and attaining respect God forbid. Is that what you want to leave as a legacy to your children? So very sad! To make matters worst I keep coming across debates and articles to further widen the gaps between blacks today by some lame arguments like the heading of this following article here

This kind of article always seem to confirm to me that there are quite a few out there equating blackens with total ugliness and sadness. No wonder why I feel like a “mood” terrorist with my very positive prideful blackness that ruins this very trendy pity party in the community? Then again there are obvious incentives and rewards for this attitudes in our society today so I shouldn’t be surprised I guess. Sympathy for blacks …and “white guilt” go hand in hand in western culture like milk and honey.

This destructive and toxic relationship permeates through out not only private personal relationships but also pervades the political and global scene as observable in our world today. Despite the fact that I am very positive that colorism is addressed here, I am concerned about the easy and lazy conclusions that result in the blaming game. From what I know about healing, nowhere have I read that recovering health and happiness comes by blaming others.This very faulty conclusion is also how blacks remained in this defeating position for so long when in reality we are the ones with the most potentials. Please people let go of the hurt and forgive! I am not saying forget. I am saying learn. It was only a lesson nothing else. Let it go now and start anew with these valuable lessons in hand.

Shifting guilt among us doesn’t make the oppression go away. It only shifts and take turns to RE-PRESS us instead of uplift us. But yes for the sake of the argument in the article I will agree that there may be so called “privileges” such as being easier accepted into the white norm the lighter the persons skin tone happen to be. However it is only relevant if this person in question idealises whiteness. A person like this will unquestionably suffer spiritually regardless of skin colour simply  because one is denying their true self while appeasing to those outside factors that are dictating their ideals. How can  they then complain to be denied when they them self do that to their self first?

There are a lot of people with fairer or darker complexion like me for example that don’t have any desire whatsoever to look like anything else but our own selves. Nothing against the others but we are all what we are. For this purpose alone you will also struggle against the mainstream that labels you as a sort of freak. Believe it or not the struggle is the same for all at the end of the day. It always equals out. Why not try compassion it will console your soul in much better ways and start with your self, your children or your own folks first ok? I cannot stress this enough

Furthermore why would it really be considered a privilege to be “liked” by whites just to serve as an exploitation material. And if you live in their world you will have a lot more higher risk of being subjugated weather you are aware of it or not. The most sad thing about this whole issue though is that once again this “system” is still orchestrating division among us like they have done for so long using their ideals and some very handy self hate in our own community. Are you ok with that or are you ready to let go now? We need to be unite instead of throwing up silly excuses to remain in the same place just so we can be “lucky” to title our selves “the first/only black person to ever be pathetic enough to need the validation for example…hm?  I mean common!      

Blackness does not sit in the shade. It is in how aware we are of our identity and STRUGGLES. That is blackness. Because to be black today is to be strong in a world that want to see you weak. Let go of that projection! It is not yours. Forgive them. You are much stronger now. Be the role model your  children needs you to be. Because children become what they see you do and be, not just what you or others teach them to become. Be a person they respect and admire not someone they feel sorry for all the time. You can do so much more and are able to exemplify that possibility for your beloveds your self 

I really hope I have managed to inspire some or any of you by sharing my thoughts and I hope you will do the same for others in your community before blaming them. In the meantime, I wish you all a happy Easter festivities with some more joyous pictures here 🙂 

This cute design will be available to order in all children’s sizes and outlined colours. It is made mostly from ecological materials and by environmentally friendly colouring techniques thereby suitable for most sensitive skin types…..and tones 🙂 For more detailed information or questions you are welcome to mail me.



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A womans gowns and her transitions

Time to introduce my second couture gown. This dress and I have a very special bond I must say. We have gone through so many transitions together. It hasn’t only gone through a whole lot of changes, but a few re-designs and endless re-fittings too. Keeping my time busy until late nights sometimes. It has angered and exhausted me at times but also kept my mind off a lot of mindless stress and made me super focus.

The top part of it is strictly stiff and belts up the upper body holding it in place similar to a corset. So you definitely wont be slouching wearing it or else… But still I managed to get some elasticity at the closing in the back to compromise for the harsh strictness. (When it’s not nearby and can’t hear me, I call this dress many names and sometimes I feel it kind of made itself out to existence ….. through me sort of….not in a creepy way but …… know? ….never mind….)

Well it fit me very well in the end if I say so myself …and is definitely one of the favourites, not only because it’s been better readjusted but also because during the process it was being changed and redesigned it gave me so many other ideas. And yes, off course it can be easily made to individually fit you perfectly no matter your shape. But be warned, it will demand from you to hold your posture or else.  Anyway, with this strictly elegant outfit, I would like to greet you all women out there a very happy international women’s day!

Specially all those strong, honest, caring and warm women in our world. In fact why don’t I just totally grab this opportunity to dedicate this piece of motivation to you all now that march 8th coincides so timely for me to do so? ……So I did

Well, by now I think those who know me know also that I have not only questioned feminism as a political movement but kind of abandoned it really, if I have to be honest. Off course there are many women I look up to and respect whatever they call themselves or wherever in the world they are. In fact the more I know myself the more of them I recognise in me and vice versa. What most of these women have in common is their genuine love, honesty, passion, devotion and respect for the rights of their own and others. When I say love, I mean real genuine love almost like a mothers love. That’s almost what it takes for something to be genuine. It requires LOVE. Therefore it is most natural that this kind of bond starts with your “loved” ones or those you honestly care about because it simply is real then.

You know, your mom, sister, daughter, best friend, cousin, aunt, granny or neighbour ans. You start there because you will naturally have true empathy or love for those you care about and truly support. It doesn’t have to be a biological family it could be those females you know have your back and you theirs despite any differences. When majority of our bonds are grounded on a genuine and truthful base like this then it is easier to extend that kind of bond or love further to greater circles.

This kind of relation between women is not about competition or having an externally selected role models pushed up their throats. Specially those selected by men or their system to make women compete with one another for their attention. Nor is it about men influencing women to serve their political or other agendas first. No. It is not about women who have harden so much that they no longer relate to other women in a healthy way either.

It is not about emulating men, or hating them. It is not about them at all. It is genuinely and simply about us and our own love and care for our selves really. Otherwise it will just be hollow words just like how the movement “feminism” serves in politics today. And we all know how that went…? So changing is an opportunity we cannot miss on at this stage right? We have to redesign our strategies and polices from the inner core. Change does not have to come through politicians,  religions, aliens or what have you. It comes through all of us individually. In fact my humble opinion is that it is even better so than in any other ways. Therefore, my simple advice to us all is to first be true to our selves and those we care about.

Start there. Simple but honest and extend genuinely out towards others you get to know and happen to care about. I know most of us do this quite generally already but really make effort to recognise situations when you are uncomfortable and kind of struggling to be true even though you don’t have to. Because it is that precise moment that is critical for change. That moment you courageously opt to openly speak or act from the truth you know, is the moment you have made change, not only to yourself but to us all. This is how we change and progress individually or and collectively. Go ahead and experiment for your self. You will feel the fear at first and you will also feel the rush of power running through you like adrenalin after wards. It is called life. Live!

Otherwise you are only echoing and wasting your time and fooling your self of the life you’ve been given. Be aware who you and your true friends are and which ones you should put further back. Then adjust your time, efforts and energy accordingly. Time is the most valuable thing there is in this world. This is not about being un-social but about prioritising how you spend the precious time we call life. Our loved ones are called “loved ones” because they are most deserving of our time and not only because we “think” we love them. They are a definition of the person we are due to the memories we make with them through our times together.

Most of us don’t realise this until we come to understand that we may not have much more time left. But while you are alive you have always options, chances and possibilities. Use it wisely and lovingly. At least then everything you chose, chanced on and made possible will have mattered because it was what YOU wanted not what you been mislead to do. Even more importantly, it will continue to truly matter to those you genuinely loved even after you are gone   

We all know women that have made profound influence in our lives. And most of us know it is strong women with big hearts and kind souls. Or those loyal cheerleaders that truly want us to make it. Wether it is our mothers, daughters champions or idols the bond is based on genuine love and respect at the core even when conflicts may still be partly in the picture. We needed and need those women in our lives for us to learn to love our selves from inside. And we really need to do that. Love our selves that is. No need to hold men alone responsible for this. Men may love (or hate) us and may even be naturally the leaders in our world, society and homes, but we still need to know what we expect from ourselves and from them first in order to influence, change or replace their leadership in companion with or without them.

It is equally important to exclude, distance or leave the toxic women you have in your life if you know you cant help them. My tip is to advise them where to get help and leave them to sort themselves. They will eventually learn and may thank you. If they don’t then you are still better off really. Your total wellbeing is not only good for you it is good for all women and girls even for the toxic ones. Your actions will be showing them a better alternative and how it is done so keep your courage and move on towards your adventure. Our future is dependant in everything you and all of us DO. Not in the old dusty opinions we safely hold. So go out there and battle some fear out of your life. Kick it’s lying and annoying ass

Well, this was roughly what I wanted to share to add to our collective progress as women and I hope we all can DO little things to change our individual lives and thereby shift the inequality that many women (in particular feminists) seem to experience. By changing and redesigning or reconstructing our own lives we are raising the bar bit by bit all of us together each and every time. This is how we genuinely will bring fort equality naturally and voluntarily independent of politicians or their dodgy pretences.

If you feel that this text was helpful or empowering then I hope you share it so more girls and women can find courage to truly be themselves. And off course if you disagree or want to forward your critique, you are welcome to drop a line below.


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What is success?


What is success to you?

Is it when one is rich and famous or when someone is treated with un-proportional adulation due to popularity? Or is it simply about living a free and peaceful life? I have seen, read and observed how we humans treat those considered a success by a range of worshiping actions and praises. Even applauded their farts as a scent of gift to humanity. Very much like a mom treats her baby’s poop like good news announcements of the day in the world. No disgust whatsoever just the applauding reaction and proudly wiping off the mess after. I know this cause I am a mother, what I am not sure about sometimes is what success really means to us humans.

Maybe it is something that we experience in small doses every now and then, all of us without really knowing it. Majority of us are very preoccupied to see success or what appears to be “considered” success in others. If I take the stage I am at the moment as an example which to me feels far from success right now but may actually be a little step in that direction?… Well, if you ask me it feels more like …one is on a cold winter journey climbing by foot uphill against a snowy storm hitting you right in the face with all sorts of irritating lumps and fibres. You know when your view is just enough blocked in the freezing cold so you slip down and have a little clumsy accident as well to complete the total pain.

Far from a clapping and adoring crowd or glorifying treatments but,,,,,,,,with pure purpose, a mission to change things and to serve from the authenticity of a true heart. To me a life lived like this is success already personally. Not easy at all I tell you but the reason why I go through it makes it worth it’s price. Now I know success means different for everyone but the main point I want to make clear I guess is to be aware of it for your self. Enjoy and adore your own success. Don’t miss it while looking at others. Adore and adorn your self for all the hard work you put to achieve it because you will need it. Both the hard work and the credit and celebration of your self.

It is true as they say, everything we need is all within.The good and the bad. Darkness and light. Even success and failure are there to teach us about who we are and who we want to be. The “yin and yang” balance is everywhere in life. If you take a moment to observe this duality you will realise it is all over. Sadness is followed by happiness, days followed by nights, life by deaths and vice versa. So yes success may be measured by money, fame and glory ultimately but its main contents and structure are all within you and start to be built only from there.

By being aware and experiencing your struggles and battles on the journey you are always creating your success everyday. However I feel most of us are so afraid to feel the pain or experience our darker sides that we tend to run the opposite way and obsess and cling desperately on the lighter aspects only. In fact we are too busy keeping up appearances while denying life’s challenges and eventually get left behind feeling cheated, treated unfairly by life with a silent “boohoo cry” stuck in our throats. Never realising that we were the ones who cheated life and thereby ourselves.

I guess I am writing this to let anyone who is experiencing some struggle know that it is ok. You are not alone. This is the path of life for those that want to truly live and accomplish something, not just pose a sort of life. Life is not like a pretty still picture, it is “LIVE” all the time and ever-changing. Don’t be afraid to change with it and allow yourself to celebrate all it’s facades by being your entire self. The glorious, weak, strong, tired, happy or sad sides are all there to learn from. So learn, apply, modify and become the person you are meant to be.   

Currently in my project I have come to the realisation that my possibilities to explore the myriad of textiles companies available in my chosen area (north east Africa) are very limited, which felt like a tiny grief moment for a while. But maybe the lesson in this limitation here was to keep my work even more simpler at this stage in order to keep it more practical and transparent anyway right? Makes sense to me…. Besides the future is still full of possibilities so maybe there will come opportunities later that offer a fairer and more equal cooperations who knows?   



So in honour to the lesson of simplicity and success I have chosen this simple dress to showcase as an example of that look on this occasion. It comes in all the colours and patterns I have created for this line and managed to print it on to the fabric with the help of a local company named Tobex. ( They specialise in digital environmental friendly printing methods and use water based colourings with minimum spill.    

The dress is actually not my size. But thanks to the belt or bow used here, it is well adjusted to my waist line. I look forward to see it worn belt less by its real size model in the coming photo shoots though, specially because the fabric is a stretchy material with the aim to respect the classical female curves and body sizes.

My assistants in attaining the fabrics are also a local agent named International textil AB They mostly deal with european based producers and incorporate a small selections of environmentally friendly certified textiles. Although for this collection the material used may not be of the certified type I’am guarantied that it is free from any kind of shady labour forms.

Feel free to research theses companies if you are curious or have an interest, feel also free to tip/recommend me new ones with similar view as mine if you happen to be in the field. There are way to few textiles companies offering materials from an ethical perspective so all info is more than appreciated and welcomed to me anyway. Well, keep it simple my friends and remember that I would love to help you dress for success when your victory comes. Pace and love …

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For my Queens and Princesses


This is definitely not how I dress up like to step out of the house and get some milk from the local store. Particularly in this tiny village I stay totally surrounded by deep nordic forests. Actually on some stressful days I can’t tell the difference between me and the homeless bag lady sitting outside the store collecting change in a paper mug ….I tend to feel. I wouldn’t be surprised if even she would jump out of her seat with a slight shock at the sight of me if she also could see through the battles I go through in life at times. Thankfully it doesn’t happen to often that I feel like this so I am humbly grateful even for my bad days.

But there are many occasions when it is fun and pampering to dress up and live out a little. Even for an earthy and nature loving mom like me. Especially when one is a mom to a little fairytale infatuated princess like my daughter is at this prinsessy age. How can that not be inspiring and cute? It is the ultimate BFF love story between a mothers and a daughters with the unbreakable inspirational circle forever exchanging among both. It sure beats the crap out of feminism with just one hand.

The prints for this collection which I have drawn with a “hand” or two by the way….. are also inspired by real royal stories with bravery, faith and strength of our forefathers/mothers. Far back in the days when the old north east African Abyssinian kingdom by the region where Eritrea and Ethiopia are situated today were once one of the largest empires in the world along with the Romans.  The typical old orthodox cross like symbols that is often still found decorating the traditional “Tillfi” clothing of this culture today makes no exemption to appear even in my work signifying some “habeshness” off-course but the execution is more modern and most likely western influenced as we are today.

Printed with modern technology as appose to the less available embroidery or weaving technic traditionally used for “habesha” clothes. Unconventional yes, but true to its roots with a dreamy kind off finish and avant guard cut. I hope it will be appreciated by those that have interest and curiosity for my creations on this theme as much as I do. And I truly do/did enjoy creating them. By the way, don’t hesitate to mail/inbox me with your details clearly specified if you want to discuss custom tailored for you, your project, work, home, group etc.

Speaking of creations, I am currently “baby step” by “baby step” having the web shop set up and organised as I have informed earlier and there will be something available for all eventually but I am starting out with the women’s line first, since I am …well… a little old-fashioned mannered…?… Yes, I think women should always come first and be respected at all times. Specially by themselves first, they are after all the creators of men. Gentlemen and boys are definitely in my plans too but I have a family to raise also so I hope fellas don’t feel discriminated by the delay now that men have become so fragile these days : /  Bad Jokes aside, I like to make you all (men /women, girls/boys, old/young, thin/big, black/white neon-green/blue, straight/gay etc.) involved in this project too.

I like to propose a good deal to any one of you who are or know someone to be an aspiring model? Especially if you/they love to pose for the camera and have a spare time to try out outfits for photo shoots to come…? Expenses for a professional photographer, makeup, hair and for any traveling cost within Sweden will be covered. The models keep their selected copies free for their portfolio and have the possibility to be the future face of my brand and be hired with a contract eventually. (If under 18 your parents need to approve first) Have a little ponder about that and I will come back with more details on where, when, what it will be of this quest once I get substantial replies. If you are or know someone who is interested, then don’t hesitate to mail me so plans can be scheduled

And speaking of plans, there are many more details to be planed, refined and defined regarding the ethics and moral of the production sector of my project which I will inform you more on later. But for now I am currently listening to some new projects leaders in Borås Textile Fashion Centre with plans on establishing small modern local sewing factories that may lead to some collaborations. This would cancel out the risk of getting involved with shady, oppressive big organisations abroad. However my principle is, If in doubt abandon cooperation as immediately as possible. My aim is to serve you and your loved ones not only awesomely nice gears that represent you better but also give you an opportunity to practically set standards for our collective ethics on social justice and environmental issues. Not an easy concept in the fashion industry. But not impossible. It’s a try well worth it for our next generation, trust me.

This means the entire chain of not only my products but also someone else’s items, for example any trimmings I order will have to be investigated from my part so I can guarantee it really is clean from partnerships with dealers who use child labour, slavery like exploitations, use of animal brutality, harmful and nature destructive chemicals ans. Off course it puts limitations and delays at this stage of setting up my business. But quality comes before quantity so the wait is well worth it for me in order not to let you wait when you have made your order from me. Patience is my key practice indeed at this stage.

That’s all I had to say for now and I would like to end this update with plenty of wishes for you to have a blessed new year and don’t hesitate to contact me reg modelling or any other ideas and requests. I know I have been really lame on my new Instagram account but you can reach to me also via face book, messenger or just mail below here.

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Don’t hate change

“First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you and then you win”  

– Mahatma Gandhi

Photography Unknown 

I don’t know about Kanye’s breakdown so much yet but I am sure he’l  be fine soon. What might be  interesting about his situation is that it marks a new beginning and perhaps an end for his career maybe? Yes, I suspect that he is serious about his ambitions regarding running for presidency in the election of 2020. Laugh if you want to. But so did we about Donald and that is what Kanye also noticed apparently. 

I have never really been a Kanye fan ever but if my suspicions turn out to be true then I might be very interested to hear more. And yes, I have somewhat always known that he is a little bit on the dramatic side. Then again what artist isn’t dramatic? And yes, it is not the first time he is on the forefront of the news with this kind of spontaneously dramatic behaviour colouring the internet full of despise directed towards him once more. This time for daring to utter his political stand which in his own words spelt along like the following “If I would have voted I would have voted for Trump”  Oooh…!?  Trump..!? The Trump that may be an obvious “racist”?

But racism in the US is not new at all, we have always known that. Actually according to history books it has been much worse before and last time I checked, things are (to) slowly but rather improving actually. The funny thing is that even with a black president in charge black boys and girls never stopped being gun shot to death by the government. 

Not to mention how mass incarcerations of black men has served as a profitable business supporting the economy similar to slavery in the past but in a larger scale now according to Ava Duvarney documentary13th  Slavery then was managed with brutal torture and other harsh forms of oppressions. Slavery now is managed with more sophisticatedly refined  and clever rhetorics such as Clintons here If this is not sly and horrible then I don’t know what is? I totally understand if this is also how Kanye felt during his rant speech on stage.

What I do not understand is the boiling hot hate he and other black people receive from their own folks for thinking differently. So much judgement and contempt for opening up about ones honest feelings and thoughts. As if black men haven’t been through enough mental oppression already? If it is not pure hate and ridiculing treatment then it is the general discounting of them as a “poor hopeless victim” of “mental illness” disregard from no less than “their own people”. I know Kanye  has been through a lot on a personal level but his personal experiences should not be a reason to dismiss his point and views in politics. A black boy apparently cant expect no better treatment than that if he happens to be a thinker, free minded and innovative with his intelligence. No wonder why there are way to few good examples of black boys out there. Being themselves and truly living a free life is to much of a risk for them. What a price they have to pay to attain their emotional and mentally health, wow?

To be black and progressive or think outside the box is just to challenging for the black communities apparently. To confronting for their perfectly square box that have been drawn by their mental masters. So the only options black men are left with is either abort their manhood, obey, bow down to that holy carefully polished oppression or completely rebel against it. Live the classic thug life as an outcast and gangster. Why cant just black boys and men be allowed to be what they are. Humans thats what they are. Unapologetically free humans that can be deep, shallow, strong, sensitive, outspoken, artistic, intellectuals, crazy or whatever they are or want? I am not forwarding my question to the system of the white man’s/woman’s system but mainly to their own black communities and families. Why are you lot not supportive of your own?

Please stop the labelling of your own people. Start understanding, respecting and caring for yourselves and your folks instead. Ask yourselves who made you think that way in the first place. Who is enforcing the fear of critical thinking? Who made you afraid of true freedom and being your authentic selves? Who is hindering our collective growth and why? Stop teaching black boys to blame and hate or hide their feelings. Stop dehumanising them when they express their minds no matter what form the expression appears to be. Listen and converse with them instead. And you will realise they are different from you they are not you. We are all different but humans still.   

We have different ways of thinking all of us. So when did we collectively make a promise to one another to vote for white feminists as our saviour? That is exactly the problem with the black community and the diaspora in the first place. Why even depend on a saviour living outside one self. How about we save one another within our community if there really have to be any savings at all? That we could be there for one another no matter what political views, religion or ethnicity we hold or develop? We are all our own saviours in truth, thats my belief anyway but yes we can share it too. Why won’t our folks get this? Everything we need is within. Why do our community have such a weak faith for our own people and yet often being so dedicatedly religious? Please awake!

Political leaders are just that…Politicians. Like businessmen/women nothing more and no more personal than that even if every vote very much matters to them. They are not our allies or enemies in any form just because their rhetorics are refined or brutal. They’l say whatever they l have to say to get that vote for sure, to win themselves a power position thats all. Now I know Trump was not the favourite option obviously even if (in my personal opinion) much less worse than Hillary. But it was exactly the lousy options that made it possible for him to be a president-elect which I believe is what Kanye was trying to communicate through to his audience also.

And NO I wouldn’t like to be Trumps daughter, family member or any other female in his close network considering what a pervert he sounds like in his way of speaking. But America is not in need of a father it needs change in its political system apparent from the election results. And if anyone could bring change it is Trump. Not because he has experience or because he is an excellent speaker or is any better than other presidents before him but because he is not. Things either will be really bad or really unexpectedly good but they wont be the same for sure. When I mean same, I mean same as in under Bush, Obama or Clinton’s administration. Clinton with all her expertise would only prolog the current situation without any significant change in sight for the black community nor for ethnic minority or the feminists that support her only for symbolic reasons rather than real change for real women. That method is too old and out of fashion. Please move on

Our daughters don’t need a war loving old bitter sadist as a female role model they are too smart for that. They don’t give a smelly pooh about “role modelings”. What they need is healthy and happy families as well as true friendships in their communities and professional circles. If they are happy, healthy and respect their selves then they know that they don’t have to compete with men or anyone else. They know better than our generation that healthy happy and self-respecting men is also what they’l want and nothing less. No one but themselves will be able to stop them from achieving any career path they aim for. So please address the real reason why you are hating change when change have come upon us and always will. Why do you choose to dismiss and contemptuously point aggression and hate towards (a brave and smart) black man’s authentic thoughts and reasonings about the inevitable change we face?

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Work work work work

Work work work work

No not like Rihanna’s tune. Not quiet so glamorously. But really strife, stress, sweat, cut, measure, stretch so your top or trousers crack, build, sew, draw, shape, colour, create, change my mind and recreate thats what I have been doing the last few weeks and months. With a little bit of a weirdly crazy humour, a lot of faith, some good music and my very intelligent motivators among other things I still made it alive so far looking like a crazy scientist coming out of an exploding lab.   

I still have a whole lot more to work through to but I am getting closer.  Sadly what I have noticed is that the closer I come to my ultimate goal. People either are aligned with the goal and purpose or are heavily aginst it for some completely incomprehensible reason to me. I mean I understand that everyone has their own loads to carry in life and those used to be many more before. But the ones that go out the way to destruct are taking over now it seems….? While many sneakingly obstruct and even slide out a crooked foot if opportunity come. That is so very ugly and sad to watch. To see how some you think you trust or even respect turn into shrinking sour and little devilish bitter monsters. So very sad. Not just to have to loose them in this way but because no one but themselves are hindering them to do it for them too I guess. I have nothing to lose by enjoying my life and riding this adventure so I wont stop enjoying myself ever… But for them I feel sad and I don’t want to feel sad for them or anyone because I know we are all capable to do so much (good and fun) but have to let them off and continue my way forth

Well life lessons never stop teaching us all either way so I send out a hopeful, happy prayers and wishes to you the ones that bother yourselves to read me 🙂 (Thank you by the way)  Please please please love you enough not to ever hate anyone. Even your haters. Know them but don’t hate them. Meet and concur your demons if you must but never stay permanently where they are. Distance from them if you must but never stop the feelings of love to guid you. I am glad and thankful I still am anyway and have so much I like to share 

The first of my promises or fruits I like to share is on the link here. Hope you liked it. This is a part of my entire bigger collection that I soon will make available on the new web shop that is under construction at the moment. Those three selected outfits on the link however are kind of samples that are going to be part of a fashion contest by the end of next month this year.  It is arranged by “Marketplace Borås” and happens only once a year. So timely and lovely.  Anyway Check it out and DO vote for the collection. It might increase chances for me to take part in it. If you are wondering what will happen if you don’t then all that is going to happen is that I will be grumpy for a while and will be on to the next mission that life brings forth as usual 🙂 nothing more or less exiting or dramatic really…. But there are movies for that….not to despair. Just go vote first and then watch a really dramatic film after perhaps?  If you happen to have any feedback for me for any reason, good or bad, then help your self bellow….. VOILA!

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Who wants inclusion?

Who wants inclusion?

I would seriously rather not write about racism at all as there is so many more interesting topics I rather explore. But I am going to have to since the issue can’t seem to help itself than to stand in the way for all of us in a more or less way. The topic on race itself is extremely boring, as well as demotivating and I am honestly over and done with this concealed hate long time ago now. All the nagging, victimization, stupidity, ignorance and above all the bigotry and cruelty it still involves. It seems pointless to even continue write about it now as reality is way louder in portraying it than any piece of writing ever would if it wasn’t so denied still

From everywhere I look no one else wants it either. Yet it is still there standing like a huge pink elephant in a cute ballerina outfit with long blinking eyelashes polishing its glossy nails in the hope for everyone to stop pretending of its existence and properly address it. So we really have to get frank about it at some point don’t we? Ideally without throwing mud all over each other whilst crying and snoring ourselves messy like two year olds if it is ever possible? That’s what I’ try anyway…

I will admit though that I am still trying to understand it myself by learning about it from all sorts of angles and time perspectives I suppose? So if I would to illustrate it from my safe heaven here, I would paint a form of distorted grey energy mass consisting of ingredients such as ignorance and fear combined. Like a cold smokey hollow wasting peoples time and lives in vain. Not only between blacks and whites but also among them internally. A dysfunctional, vicious circle that lives up to all the disastrous prophecies satisfying the participants in the hateful duel. The only way to stop it is to be aware of it and its intensions. Just walk away from it and look for better visions and missions elsewhere happier. (I suspect this is somewhat what one of my favorite authors Eckhart Tolle was describing as ”the pain body” in his book ”The power of now” which I happily recommend anyone to read by the way). This is also the reason why I ‘d like to make us more ”aware” of even the mildest but trickiest modern racism we still have floating about like toxic invisible air in the European climate today.

First tough I better be clear about the fact that I haven’t actually lived in the US (except as tourist and even that might just have been the last time I did so as a black person I am afraid). The USA as we all know, has been for many decades and still is life threatening for black people according to the police shooting stories unfolding before us continuously. So my reasonings here does NOT entirely apply the circumstances over there. The injustice the black stolen population have endured and still are today is beyond horrific. No one can really deny that. And if no one ever does nothing about it I have faith in karma to eventually fix it up naturally as she always does (maybe via uncle Donald? Who knows…? After all the quickest way for someone or something to screw themselves over is by putting their own head thoroughly and securely up in their own rear tight end where the sun hardly ever shines and the smell is .. well…not very pleasant at all)

But if I am to speak of racism from my own experience here in Europe. I find that the more ignorant a person/society is (incl. my self) the more they/we are likely to get involved in its hate soaked sensations. It seems to attract and retain the self destructive minded mostly. It feeds on your ignorance of your own unaddressed and unhealed wounds. Then again I am very selective of who I associate with and happened to be not so overly social, hence my experience on racism from society around me are also minimal which may not at all represent the average person exactly. So I am aware that speak from a personal perspective here but that is how it has worked for me. I would love to know how others have dealt with it and happily invite you to share your experience here if you want to?

It does not off course mean that I don’t see it exist, or how it is bugging and provoking others. Here in Sweden particularly, racism is so subtle so it is not directly lethal as elsewhere in the world but it can be seriously damaging emotionally, psychologically and spiritually if one is not aware and prepared. It is experienced by most as an uncomfortable hymn of guilt and sorrow in the background of almost any interaction between all the various cultures. The subtlety makes it even harder to discover and openly discuss it. Instead it is very systematically covered up as non existing haunting those who deny it like an invisible ghost from underneath the perfect facade that tries to keep it in check. Which often for me and perhaps a few others with a little bit twisted humor is a source of all sorts of hilarity and laughter ironically. (Sorry but this is how I involuntarily handle craziness sometimes. Its like getting tickled and trying to hold it in)

Anyhow it is very easy to miss the effects of this silent but abusive form of denied racism that can seriously psychologically scar the immature mind such as our children if we let it be as it is today and continue its function and legacy forward in the oblivion through them. Many think just because ethnic minority groups are included that it’l vanishes away and the problem is solved. In fact I read the other day that the famous tv host Oprah Winfrey preferred and believed the word ”inclusion” is a more of a key factor in solving racism in contrast to the term ”diversity” without integration. But I personally have a huge problem with the word ”inclusion” I just don’t understand why anyone with a healthy self respect want to be included to anything or anyone? I really don’t get that.

It sounds so belittling. I believe in participation and coming together for a purpose of cooperation, yes. But ”inclusion” ? hm…makes me feel ….thanks but no thanks. Either you want to cooperate on an equal respectful level or you find someone else on your level to cooperate with sounds more genuine and real? Doesn’t it?. I just find the term ”inclusion” depending where it comes from so deceptive as well as undignified. To demonstrate what I mean I want you to take a proper look at the images bellow. (They may look tacky but please don’t mind the details)

Look at the shelves where the toys of all colors and cultures are plentifully and multiculturally included. Look at the order and the subtile but obvious hierarchy. The Price tags and value that associates the characters together. Can you see it? It is very easy to be nonchalant about this very mild and inclusive racism. Imagine what that does to the self-esteem of a child? To be associated with a witch and an evil character such as the evil step mother? It is all so subtle and very easy to miss. Specially when the staff at this particular shop were so polite and helpful letting you know with their wide smile that they have all the merchandises available for your little family members.




While at the same time the ideal of ”inclusion” …well ..very apparent as we can see here nowhere near about equality at all. The racist values in the price tags and the shelves hierarchal  arrangement communicates very clearly to the tiny curious customers of what the deal is in society. The superior ideal is thereby clearly messaged to all our children. Now fact is, a certain race in Europe is a minority and another a majority, so why not adjust production and purchase of the products proportionally and accordingly? It costs equally as much to produce both models so why the different prices? There is so much I could ask on and on to moan about this but I wont, it would be useless plus waist my energy. So I wont. But! I am aware and most importantly I learned

To me this mild racism is very self-explanatory and perfectly exemplifying the ruling ideals. It speaks very loud for itself how society values the worth of a certain race and has up until now sadly been unintentionally supported by black customers too. So my people please open your eyes! Don’t let your children take over the ignorance that we as adults are afraid to face. Be aware! Be frank and learn. We all have responsibilities too. We cant ignore things like this and then point and assign the responsibility and frustrations to any random white persons.

Yes white people in the past and some in the present did horrible horrible things but we just have to be strong support one another, learn and LET GO of the past. White people too are flawed humans just like the rest of us even if some of them like to entertain themselves of the illusions that they are superior hilariously enough. Why expect so much from them when they are just humans too? Why the bitterness? I don’t get it. Haven’t we already seen their humanly shortcomings in huge way already? They may not know or understand properly what they do/done but we do now don’t we? We learned. The ball is in our hand to change things not in theirs, now that we know and are aware. This is why I personally prefer to deal very frankly with the uncomfortable issues on race even if I get offended or may offend other sensitive egos. Racism and bitterness should not be our kids problems to inherit even if they can still be educated about the horrors of its past, its remains in the present and avoid it to ever occur again.

Me and my little girl happen to discover this particular store that gave us this uniq insight when she accidentally saw her favorite doll”princess Tiana” while we were on a boat outing in a European city. Delighted at her choice, which happened to be the lovely brown skinned princess that this shop actually stocked I got dragged in there with her happy and cheery excitement. Still feeling a little seasick and tired but happy for her I asked again if she didn’t want any of the other princesses too? She firmly shook her head and was certain. It was then that I discovered the price differences. As if I wasn’t already disturbed enough by the arrangement on the shelf to add to my seasickness which almost made me vomit right there and then.

How do you hold any particular person responsible for this kind of racism. It is not the so pleasant staffs fault. I am sure they didn’t decide the prices tags by themselves even if they arranged the dolls on the shelf in an order that matches their values. I guess they had no idea that we were coming by and happened to be conscious black people too. So uncomfortable. Their subconscious racism was beyond disgusting really but I cant blame them on their ignorance. And I am sure they found parts of my pukes outside their shop just as disgusting and uncomfortable I guess. I just couldn’t hold in my revolting disgusted feelings no matter how much I tried, so it found its way out unfortunately. But hey,,, there you go. One subconscious disgusting action always triggers another disgusting re-action. But like them I too am not perfect to 100 % but only human with limited ability to keep in suppressed vomit inside a sensitive belly while at the same time being triggered with continuous disgust.   

Looking at this incident in retrospect and from a brighter light I can say I was glad that my little princes didn’t yet understand enough mathematics to figure out what was going on. It also gave me an advanced lesson on how to prepare her for this kind of oblivious but slimy sort of racism so she can be more aware and know how to deal with it by herself (without accidentally vomiting when dealing with it) but also understand why she and all of us have to be careful and selective in where to spend our money, energy and specially our time as customers and workers if we want to put an end to this. It was an unpleasant lesson indeed. But even an unpleasant lesson has its value and can still be let gone as a silly funny insight and nothing else …….

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When normal and un-normal meet natural and un-natural

When normal and un-normal meet natural and un-natural

(then its bound to cause a temporary confusion for sure)

I don’t know if it is me wising up and slowly turning into an old female ”Yoda” or if we are living in a time where the world is getting crazier by the day? The deception is all over the place and seems to be easily normalized leaving me with a bunch of un-normal questions I guess? And the silence?! The silent passiveness is just perpetuating it all?  So writing on here allows my precious un-silent moral values to spill out and perhaps add something to someone someday somewhere.

Sometimes it feels that we live in a world that tries so hard to turn the good into bad. That which is truly holy to perversion, originality denied in favor of the fake, The lie so easily accepted before truth and you get the rest… Then again I suppose we are all on different levels of understanding so in this lazy world we live in we tend to view things also through that level of limited/open understanding we hold. The truthful way is so much harder but the rewards so much greater. Once discovered it can never be undiscovered again which is why I cant be silent and passive. However all deserve their own time to find this lane in this journey called life. Earlier here( I wrote about my thoughts on how important it is to find ones own identity. I did this because I believe it is fundamental to ones liberation from illusions created by the outside world.

While perhaps most would understand what I mean, I have come across a few debates lately that touches the subject from other levels and more politically angled than I ever intended my self. To be more precise this is the very lively identity politic issues circulating in our media and society today with the LGBT movement as prime example. Their accomplishments for equal rights here in the west is a successful one. However there are yet strong taboos surrounding non heterosexual relationships outside of the west and even within foreign cultures inside western societies.

One of those many cultures is off course that one which is my own. By this I mean the diaspora group considered a minority in the west in which my culture adds to statically. So I’l take this opportunity here to speak up for anyone I may or not know personally who may be silently withholding their true nature because of fear in coming out. I can only imagine how hard it must feel to reveal your true feelings even in the ”freedom” the west brags to provide for these groups but most often still can’t.

Therefore I wish to encourage anyone who might need the encouragement to speak up for themselves too. Even with all the precaution necessary for own safety as well as enough care taken to the belonging culture. Having said that. It is well worth mentioning also that many immigrants may already be or can come to use the LGBT card as a reason to easily be granted asylum within western borders. Which may in turn mislead the immigrants concerned firstly but also society at large by these types of deceptions. Like in cases where adult immigrant men lower their age to a level of a child’s.

Now I am NOT homosexual my self so I cant offer any advise other than send my support to any individuals or groups who might happen to read and need this on their journey to liberate their self. And believe me only you can liberate yourself. Despite the shame and guilt that one fear to face, remember that you yourself right in front of those that oppress you need to acknowledge that you are perfectly normal, natural, blessed and fabulous human like all the rest of us, with all our natural individual peculiarities filling up this world with nothing but diversity. Diversity itself is the most natural there is. The rest of issues on this subject is really not my business to address so I ’l move along to the topic that I meant to. Which unfortunately is often associated with the LGBTs and other minority groups    

What I often find comes up repetitively to justify a variety of arguments and statements is the word ”natural”. If you want to understand natural then really my advice is to go to nature and observe it, study it, listen to your self within it. It is after all the source of our Identity. When examining the word ”natural” I come to think of two simple examples that can give two contradicting but valid perspectives. For me and many others the word natural is maybe similar to the description of ”reality”.

Example 1) Most trees have green leaves and it is not only me who sees this reality. The majority of the world population of any age have the same description of trees. So it is natural and very real that most (but not all) trees are green. The trees that are not green however are there for a reason too so they are natural off-course. By my own definition a plastic tree would be the un-natural one amongst them because it is not real even if it is made perfectly real looking

Example 2) Sometimes however there are real and natural things that we humans don’t perceive as natural and real too. An example of this is when many years ago humans refused to understand that the earth was round and not a flat platform as it looked like to their eyes. This second example shows that there are some people that understand and observe things way before the rest. They too are not un-natural just because they understand differently or quickly than most. They may however be considered as not ”normal” or even mad by the larger society at first 

Yepp! madness like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Which is why a large part of our society cant seem to identify the madness when it is right in front. It rather ignores the sanity and truths to cherish falseness and fakery even when the facts speak for themselves. There have been so many instances and revelations vividly observable in our society for all to witness. One of these instances is for example the thriving businesses of human traffickers (many posing as helpful agents or human right activists while others operate blatant and indiscreet) We have also seen westerners endless exploitations of poorer countries and their populations for centuries on end now.

At the same time as many immigrants and children live in slavery like conditions totally void of identity. Where as the fortunate within western borders can comfortably dedicate on to political discussions our luxurious rights, we seem to be loosing contact with reality specially in regards to our moral values. It is no longer of a surprise if there soon forms an organization of humans claiming they are shiny lizards and therefore should have rights to live as lizards in our society but also exercise their luxurious human rights.This is were the western democracy is heading at while child slavery still is one of our biggest problems. It seems as though we rather create new shiny trivial problems instead of solving our old original global ones that still haven’t been even touched yet.

Which gets me to my main question. Where are we heading with our different minority group rights here in the west these days? Or should I ask what or who is abusing minority rights to do harm in this world and fostering a deceptive population within all this uncomfortable silence in the background? This is why I personally want to speak for my own self so no one else can abuse my voice or silence for anything else other than pure intensions. Because lets face it. A group of victims serves as a perfect channel for evildoers to do their dirty work in the name of goodness. Very often without even being questioned due to their clever facade as perfectly good samaritans.

I am not writing this to discredit any decent organizations that do genuine work which there are many of thankfully but there are also way too many that abuses the appearance of the victim status. And I know theres no such thing as perfect and flawless but I am sure we can do more than just be passive. The passivity of the general public that refuses to question and find out facts for themselves is what is causing these deceptions. They rather follow any official person above claiming and stating any old story which then is fast considered as  a new ”truth” until the truth decides to show up by itself eventually.    

Not very long ago I observed a minor but yet lively debate that was set off by a romantic/sexual relationship between two close family members, a mother and her older son to be exact  Apparently there seriously are a few of this kind of most un-natural relationships out there. And as if that is not sickening enough I also learned to know that there apparently are communities, activists and its supporters. And it is their opinions and comments of this particular incident that are most spooky to me. No doubt that a family like this will firstly need therapeutic counseling to sort out their very mixed up toxic feelings before or after receiving appropriate legal punishments. 

However what I found to be even more dismaying is the fact that there were (in my view) way too many in the commenting general public that almost accepted this type of relationship with shrugging shoulders and lazy arguments that these couple were fully grown consenting adults. Statistically the group holding this absurd but nonchalant views were off course less than the opposing larger group. But perplexed at the number of seemingly normal people out there ok-ing this scary human behavior left me with a strong distasteful worry for our future generations. The supporters are honestly the most scariest and misleading since they are dead serious about attempting to legalize this type of relationships and normalize it into mainstream. Encouraging them with comments such as ”love concours all” and that these two couple ”have the right to follow their hearts” or ”fight for equal rights in society” and similar clamors. Again, it was easy to discern that their statements stemmed from a source of sympathy with the couples misfortunate confused feelings. Their reactions were precisely like to some romantic novel fiction story or film 

But this was very real and very so not natural at all! Why are we still using ”sympathy” as a moral compass when it is clearly a very misleading emotion dealing with principles. Sympathy is a feeling appropriate for a temporary situation not for longterm decisions. Yet our generation seems to be obsessed with this drug called sympathy. I’ve said it before and will say it again. An empathetic ability is far more efficient than a sympathetic one when determining longterm decisions. Empathy allows one to see much further and beyond the situation itself as well as understanding the emotional aspects of the victim in question. But also offers a much more holistic picture with all the possible consequences that play part in the cause and effects of things.

With these kind of developments are taking place in the west, no wonder why the LGBT community is still so harshly attacked as morally wrong in non western communities? After all they are the ones that will be at the receiving end of harsh judgments that are affiliated with the latter immoral taboos and crimes. With claims that their sexual orientation/nature is also as abnormal and un-natural if it isn’t lived as ”normal” as the heterosexuals. Which is by far very unfair preconception. Furthermore the LGBTs case is used to validate arguments that common westerners indeed also reacted with the same sort of disgust and opposition about homosexuality once upon a time too. But look how far they’v come now in normalizing it in society.

To be openminded and respectful to societal change is necessary but obviously our collective moral values are not catching up by the looks of how liberal and self deceptive people are becoming here. And in my opinion this is due to the lack of realizations on consequences and results a.k.a reality. To much in politics are run by public opinions and sympathies of the masses which by the way is very easy to manipulate and influence for the media, leaders and other commercial outlets that can capitalize on it.

The way the world is today all sorts of phony human beings will claim, state and ”feel” themselves to ”be” something or someone they are not and expect to pass unquestioned. We shouldn’t let that happen. We all have a responsibility to correct one another to some point as we have responsibilities to our future generations. But we often wont question at all due to the ”freedom” and rights of everyones right to their own”democratic” rights. Preferably the questioning should happen by the person themselves but equally by society and authorities. In the case of an inappropriate relationship amongst close family members that many seems ready to OK because of sympathy for the involved gives also pathways to OK-ing  a ”love”/sexual relationship between a child and an adult which some European countries have already begun to allow by law unfortunately. What will be next to liberate and stamp an OK mark on? ”Love”/romance between humans and their pets? What else?

I had to pause and wonder for a few seconds where I had been all my life while the world was evolving to these very lazy, gross kind of liberal views and carelessness? Without thoroughly considering the whole chain of effects and consequences. What about children’s rights to be born healthy (if they can)? What child would like to be a result or live under the roof of a moral less sickening abnormal family/relationship? How will they know how to create sound boundaries and defend themselves against it? And isn’t it evident enough that nature itself even overrule this type of abnormal relations as anti-natural activity by simply invalidating conception or healthy offspring prospects that most likely wont be able to continue the survival of humankind if this would continue on for generations? Before we can speak for nature we need to learn from nature and foster sane and balanced ways instead of drenching in temporary feelings. Emotions are healthy and very necessary. But only for the knowledge of oneself. Not for politics or justifying the un-natural

Well, whilst I still slightly baffled and disturbed ponder on of when exactly it was that members of the human clans decided to be so complacent and tired about using their God given bright equipment called ”brains”  to analyze with? I managed to gather a little positive and hopeful insight in the moment that I am after all thankful to live in this era were some morality is still relevantly intact by most around me still. While a tiny part of me dreads just what the future might bring upon this world by way of political movements? And very similarly to the feelings you are left with after watching a crazy thriller, I am left with the stink of another disturbing question still hanging around in the air even when I am thankfully coming to the end of my conclusion. And that question is; If this form of relationship ever becomes normal in the future, I can gladly and peacefully be left alone in a corner of history as the un-modern and un-popular bozo who was heavily against its kind. With my very own written evidence accounted for and left by my own self right here for them to condemn me in all their life time I assume 😀

But the line have to be drawn somewhere at some point

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Kommer flyktingarna någonsin sluta att fly?

Kommer flyktingarna någonsin sluta att fly?

Vi har nu i några år i rad sett om och om hur det faller in barn kvinnor och män i Medelhavets botten. Människor precis som oss alla. Flyktingar precis som jag en gång i tiden var. När min modiga mor flydde med oss fyra små barn för mer än 30 år sedan så var det inte havet som hon behövde vara rädd för under den långa flykt färden genom ett krigs härjat nordöstra afrikanskt savann. Det var skräcken att bli attackerad av vilda djur eller ”vilda” soldater som höll henne sömnlös om nätterna tror jag. Hennes oros tankar pendlade mellan om vi överhuvudtaget skulle klara resan alls till vilken av hennes ungar hon kanske skulle förlora genom den farliga färden. Det måste ha varit rent av tankemässigt tortyr för henne då hon fick höra att det vart andra mammor vars liv råkat riktigt illa ut och slutat upp som rovdjurs mat bland annat hemskheter mödrar kan råka ut för i sådana omständigheter. Men tack vare att mina föräldrar hade sett till att vi barn vart väl vaccinerade sen tidigare därmed slapp åkommor samt min mammas utomordentliga flykt plan grundad i djup tron på den otroliga ”tur” vi kom att ha, klarade vi oss förbi flera äventyr, byar och länder in till storstaden Khartoum alla helt välbehållna. Därifrån vart det raka vägen flyg väg för att förenas med vår far i Sverige

Så om någon har aning om hur flyktingar har det där ute så är det människor som mig, som oss f.d. flyktingar. Vi av många förstår att det inte är lätt det som många familjer får gå igenom i flykten även om det var en annan tid och man hinner glömma mycket nu. Ibland undrar jag om vi alla människor inte vart flyktingar någon gång, bara man går långt tillbaka i tiden. Säkert har det vart någon i allas familj som på 1200 talet eller tidigare/senare behövt fly från/till ett annat område i världen för att få börja om på nytt undan hot och förföljelser av alla slags. Själv känner jag att flykten undan den kroniskt strukturellt dolda rasismen vi har i vårt samhälle här är den svåraste att fly ifrån även om jag med hela mitt väsen instinktivt vill hela tiden, Istället kämpar jag dock med att blotta den så mycket jag kan numera. Så länge jag är här så är det ett bestående kamp. På så vis också medvetet skapa en bättre förändring kring min närhet till att börja med. Annars förmodar jag att många flyktingar lyckas ändå generellt etablera sig väl in i sina nya hemländer, vilket är tröstande. Ändå är det tragiskt sorgligt när det inte blir så för andra familjer. Familjer som drunknar, massor med människor som förlorar någon älskad till Medelhavets botten. Det till och med skrivs och sjungs berörande vemodiga låtar i våra ursprungs hemländer för både offren och deras sörjande familjer. Här i väst har vi sett deras tragedi på tv nu så många gånger att det börjar kännas som på film, allmän dokumentär eller annat program som vi har syn på medan vi bläddra vidare till roligare underhållning.

På youtube kan man se hur många klipp som helst av den allra sista tiden som dessa människor levde innan deras stela döda kroppar fanns flyttande längst stränderna att hitta. I ett av de senaste klippen jag såg så vart det hjälp organisationer i närheten med gummi båtar som kunde assistera till att rädda liv. Men man kunde klart se i klippet att det inte pågick stort hjältedåds aktiviteter. Vilket fick mig att fundera lite på den som spelade in klippet på sin mobil och vittnade stillsamt allt detta tragik. Det har kommit att bli ett typiskt signum för vår tid det här med att reflexmässigt ta fram mobilen för att dokumentera, imponera eller rapportera framför att reagera mänskligt och lämpligt. Även inför döden. Hur tänker man när man ser människor som håller på och dör framför ögonen på en medan man spelar in live tänker jag för mig själv? Jag klandrar inte utan bara frågar för att förstå och är tacksamt medveten att jag slapp veta trots allt. Jag får fortsätta hoppas att vi människor är bättre än så här, men är samtidigt smärtsamt medveten om verkligheten som är långt ifrån de fina idealen vi vill gärna ha här långt bort från det tragiska.

Jag kan inte tänka mig hur offren måste känt inombords när de sett den passivitet som åskådade de i sina sista minutrar. Eller sorgligt nog så kanske tänkte de att endast vita flyktingar var värt att räddas och gav själva upp för tidigt? Outtalad rasism finns trots allt överallt även bland flyktingar. Jag vet inte hur de tänkte. Eftersom media sällan sänder oss deras egna berättelser utan rapporterar helst när de redan dött, håller på dör eller om storyns innehål passar oss åhörare lämpligast här. Men jag vet att många av de som konstant dör i medelhavet är från samma kontinent eller land som jag kom ifrån. Så det skär riktigt ordentligt i mitt och mitt folks hjärta varje gång jag hör om sådana katastrofala rapporter. Hur än tårarna svider i ögonen dock slutar det inte att drunkna barn och vuxna bara för det. Det fortsätter komma halv trasiga, slitna, fullproppade fiskbåtar lastandes desperata ungdomar och familjer om och om igen. När ska det sluta? Hur ska man få detta att sluta? Varför flyr de? Vad kan vi göra för att de ska sluta fly? Jag hör ingen som diskuterar dessa frågor öppet i någon debatt som komplement till de oändligt livliga argumenten för eller mot mottagandet av flyktingar eller gränssättningar. De som nämnt gränserna som lösning för det här problemet har hittills vart röster från högerextremister med deras grovt förenklade inhumana resonemang. Men nu har nästan alla andra politiker kommit ut ur deras krackelerade ”fina” åsikts fasader och förenats i gemensamma tankebanor. Äntligen så har de börjat smyga ut ur deras inre gömmor för den smyg rasism de förnekat inom sig själva länge och djupt ner. Frihet förtjänar alla trots allt. Snart kanske även de som flyr finner friheten? Det sägs ju att sanningen befriar…

De som fört debatten å dessa flyktingars vägnar däremot har tagit i väl för mycket med sympati propaganda som kanske har börjat att få bakslag nu. Vilket man egentligen inte kan hjälpa än att läsa det som signal om att huvud syftet med det kanske ändå var att väcka samvete därmed även intresse för det egna partiet samtidigt framstå som bättre och godare än resten. Så funkar väl politik kanske? Jag är inte expert i politiska system och kampanjer direkt. Jag bara observerar och illuminerar uppenbara beteenden och mönster jag ser från mitt perspektiv. Men kan inte heller hjälpa att undra varför det inte ska gå att administrera vår värld och system på ett mer genuint just sätt? Varför är vi så ovilliga att göra rätt och rättvist på riktigt här i väst? Det borde vara fler där ute som frågar sig den frågan på allvar med allt vad det innebär i form av uppoffringar eller justeringar i vårt system och därmed liv. Är det för att vi är rädda?

Eller är vi kanske inte bereda för riktiga förändringar helt enkelt får jag gissa.  Så förändringen får istället komma oss som överraskning liksom den gjort i politiken de senaste åren. Denna gång kanske från högre rättvisare makter istället får man hoppas. För förändring är ju vad livet själv handlar om trots allt, och det slipper väl ingen. Men varför har vi då moral och etik som ganska mycket styr våra politiska system om vi inte ens kan hjälpa flyktingarna innan de behövde fly men är så involverade när de väl flyr? Kanske är det ett självbedrägligt beteende om vår behov av att verka goda när vi egentligen bara rädda?

Sällan får debatter som diskuterar orsaken till flykt och krig proper fokus i svenskt media. Man är så motvillig och rädd att ifrågasätta uppåt och tar istället för sig av obegränsad lidande genom att fokusera på stackars flyktingoffer trots att ingen särskild entitet verkar för att förändra deras situation till det bättre på ett allvarligt och långsiktigt sätt. Det är fritt fram för vemsomhelst att ta för sig av deras offerstatus som skänker den gode svensken ett gott rykte för så lite. Samtidigt vet vi att det inte är någon hemlighet att Sveriges stora kompis USA skapat grunden till allt detta elände. Hillary Clinton själv erkänner ju det med alldeles egna ord Clinton som nu är högaktuell som kandidat med möjligheten till att bli den första kvinnliga världs terroristen…menar presidenten vi haft är förstås mer fin putsad och omstylad som feminist ikon nu enligt den västerländska senaste trenden

Att hon är den enda kvinnliga kandidaten är trots allt den mest bidragande faktorn till att hon överhuvudtaget är en kandidat. Men sådana är våra värderingar här i väst som sagt. Som om de andra kvinnliga stats ministrarna i andra länder i världen vi har haft inte hade någon betydelse för kvinnliga framgångar i vår gemensamma kvinnohistoria? Men det är inte det jag vill diskutera nu. Det som larmar oro kring Clinton är det hon visat oss under hennes tid som utrikes minister. Vilket är att det lönar sig med att skapa krig och konflikter så att hon och hennes gelikar till feminister kan få chansen att utöva makt i feminismens och super maktens namn och härlighet. Därav också valet att rikta ut frustrationen på auktoritära män/regeringar i länder som Libyen, Syrien osv. En symboliskt handling för vanmakten de bär inom sig mot sina egna män som behandlat de inget annat än uselt. Men de får genom makten de får av feminismen krafter nu rikta ilska utåt i vår värld och skapa kaos som andra får betala för.

För att inte tala om hur andra länder såsom mitt ursprungsland är också subjekt för Clintons bluff baserade sanktioner som nu drabbar hårt den ekonomiska utvecklingen i landet och ungdomarnas framtidsutsikter till exempel. Vilket är också många gånger varför just ungdomar flyr landet som känt hos migrationsverket. Men varför kan inte inrikes politiken utvecklas mer…. så att den inkorporerade mer om omvärlds kunskaper och frågor än det den gör idag? Kan det vara den omedvetna rasismen eller gammalt hederligt (kolonial) västerländsk storhetsvansinnet som står i vägen för det här också tro? FN som den enda organ att adressera globala frågor känns så fjuttigt och distanserat. Vi måste börja bry oss om vår omvärld mer redan från inrikes perspektiv utan att vi behöver tömma deras population i medelhavet för att göra gott för de. Vi måste bry oss mer vi har ju bara en värld. Tänk om det skulle bildas partier som vill jobba med att öka fred, diplomati och välstånd på global nivå i vår värld? Så populära de skulle bli i dagens fina men själv centrerade population? 🙂 ….N..o…t ! ! ! !

Skämt och drömmar åsido. Vi har nu tack vare miljöpartiet lärt oss att aldrig luras av fromma ideal och fina handlingslösa åsikter igen. Men det mest sorgliga och förlamande känslan jag vittnat om här i Sverige är ändå hur rädd svensken blivit att framstå som en osympatisk människa. Så pass att man indirekt uppmuntras till ännu mer passivitet och social grupptryck att man inte gör något konstruktivt alls. Även när det dör så många flyktingar verkar det för mig som att de fina svenskarna ändå sörjer mest för att dessa människor som dör inte har tur nog att få vara svenskar snarare än att de faktiskt dör. Ändå vill man predika för mig via media om att vara mer human nu som om det är jag som behöver höra det. Man lever i en slags fin roll konstruerad på att man som svensk är så tursam att vara just här i Sverige som har råd med sån fin humanistisk/ feministisk ideal som man absolut inte är bered att släppa eller dela med sig till omvärlden. (Eller rättare sagt som man inte vill dela med sig till den fattiga omvärlden) Men det är just genom att släppa om denna finhets konstruktion och dela med sig av privilegierna vi har som förändring kommer komma. Att skapa mer stabilitet i världen behöver ej för övrigt innebära att man vill tvång utvisa asylsökande och invandrare som inte vill/kan åka tillbaka. Men det öppnar upp möjlighet för de som vill och har möjlighet. Dessutom slipper en mängd människor missledas hit genom at ta hemska risker i tron att det finns riktig frihet och jämnlikhet här

Om man dock vågade under en kort tid bara lägga ifrån sig sina fina image, rädslorna, det bekräftelse hungriga egot för att handla rakt ifrån ren EMPATI däremot så händer något nytt. Det blir verkliga handlingar som inte behöver stöttas med trasiga kryckor som de tomma ”fina åsikter” servat med länge nu! Förväxla ej SYMPATI med empati. Sympati som ju är vad som styrt i politiska ÅSIKTS och opinionsbildningar än så länge handlar mer om att känna med lidande men inte nödvändigtvis förstå varför. Men med en empatisk förmåga förstår man hur det är som det är också. Man kanske till och med förstår då att inte alla flyktingar heller vill fly hit eller annanstans egentligen och kan därför bekämpa orättvisor på annat sätt än (fina åsikter) och lida med offren vilket är allt vi gjort idag.

Många flyktingar vill bara vara trygga, bland sin familj, sitt folk och ha justa framtids perspektiv för sig själva och sina barn precis som alla andra i sina egna hemländer. Vi vet ju att det finns redan partier idag som av egoistiska skäl vill göra något åt detta. De har gärna sina medborgares bästa hänsyn och vill unna sitt land välstånd och privilegier först och främst. Så som ju politiker ska. Jag låter läsaren bestämma helt fritt vilka dessa partier kan vara. Medans jag själv ser 0 skillnad alls mellan de olika partier vi har idag. Bara att de alla vill framstå som bättre än den andra förstås.

Det är ju faktiskt därför vi röstar eller hur? Jag menar hela iden med demokrati är ju baserat på att vi ska rösta fram ledare som delar våra värderingar och vill vårt eget bästa trots allt. Så visst kan vi nu se våra gemensamma värderingar tydligt projicerade ut i verkligheten? Hur de speglar sig överallt i vår värld och i praktiken. Är det inte dags då att ta ansvar på riktigt för det som händer i vår värld? Inte bara genom att leka ”fina” och uppmuntra alla flyktingar att fortsätta ta riskfyllda båtfärd till Europe, men genom att ställa de obekväma frågorna och orsaken till flykten istället. Rikta fokus dit det egentligen bör riktas mot. Dvs de ansvariga, VI konsumenter och våra politiker som vill vårt bästa på andras bekostnad. Kanske kan vi då via politiken ändå bidra till att förrycka lite mindre på stackars fattiga länder så deras sämst ställda medborgare inte behöver fly hit och råka drunkna i havet?

Det finns alltid lika många svar som det finns problem men då krävs att vi är öppna för svaren genom att vi genuint tar an problemen först och inte ger bort det, flyr från det eller förnekar det bara för att sen anklaga andra mindre omtyckta politiker som handskas med det. Vi behöver examinera vår egen inre värld först och främst och sluta skam belägga ifrågasättanden och onödigt rasis stämpla helt obefogat av grupper som påstår sig vara antirasister men själva inte har aning om hur det är att utsättas för rasism. Bara de som utsätts kan egentligen definera vad rasism verkligen är. Så varför ger vi inte rösten till de som kan tala om det istället? Varför ger vi inte proper skydd för de som kan tala? Varför tar inte polisen allvarligt på de hot som redan finns? Hoten som hindrade politkern Alexander Bengtsson att tala och ta plats i politiken är väl typiskt skräck exepmpel på detta. Så vi måste alla oavsett partitillhörighet få frihet att våga omformulera våra ideologiska värderingar om och om igen om vi ska vara progressiva och förverkliga våra dealer om rättvisa och jämnlikhet

Det sista vi alla behöver efter allt kontinuerligt tragik vi sett hittills är att åter tro att feminism eller antirasism kommer lösa våra grova problem som bottnar i djupgående inhuman system som skapats sedan slaveriets start och än är grunden för orättvisorna vi har idag. Att låta oss bli vilseledda genom feminismen som ”metaforiskt talat” är den vita kvinnans bittra känslostormar som pendlar från krigs skapande till godhets spelande dramatik medan vi andra uppmanas att passivt och röstlöst se på när flyktingar far riktigt illa och missleds till att betala det slutliga priset är att lura oss själva.

Vi måste våga öppna ögonen, bli av med den delusionen och bli kvitt den svenska finhets stämpeln, se oss som vi är, så att vi kan våga se andra som de är utan att behöva fixa allting, men istället vara ärligare, jobba lite hårdare, dela av oss mer och hänga med i förändringsprocessen framåt. Det gör vi bäst genom att bidra med verkliga insatser och handlingar vardagligt i vårt liv och på så vis starta god cirkel mot rättvisare världssystem som gynnar ALLA världsmedborgares bästa och inte bara ge med oss för frustrerade, bittra, kvinnors kränkta ego låta över oss härska.

Släpp nu bitterheten och sätt igång att förändra!

In the mean time I’l continue to dream on about peace….

You may say I m a dreamer, but I am not the only one –John Lennon 🙂

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Defining our new Identity

Defining our Identity by our own terms

Its a weekend agin and I have to be honest I was not entirely sure to be happy or panic at first when I woke up to the sound of the kids playing, shouting and combating about in the background as usual. From a quick glance at the window and my own speculation of the coming weather I knew that this entire afternoon is best spent in the citys head library where they not only have loads of children’s activities but also have a cosy play corner surrounded by comfy soffas, pillows and other energetic playful kids that will definitely entertain my two ruthlessly play loving lively kids. As much as I love them and love to play with them, sometimes I just have to find ways get them entertained while I do some work at the same time. The Library is a good place for that

When they are at this calm but activities field corner though, I know from experience that they are so curious and bussy with their own amusements that they not only ignore me but throw me away as if I was some tired old broken toy. Unless they get into trouble with other little riots like themselves, they want none to do with me. Luckily today seams to turn out to be one such day. By now I have learned to use this to my advantage so good thing I brought my lapptopp with me to do some of my own work in the background sipping latte typing.

Luckily there aren’t many parents here today so I can sit quietly and continue to tapp on my lapptopp like  a maniac without receiving judging looks thrown at me for not being an ”adequate” parent. ”Adequate parent”!? What is that ? Why do I have a feeling that most non white parents have this mildly unease and subconscious fear of being judged by the white norm in public places? Or is it just me? I often feel that most foreigners or non whites have this obligation to prove and be adequate or in some other-way be accommodating or adjusting to the norm that someone else have created for us. Off-course this must have come from years and years of the adjusting process that have been going for a duration of time now among the diasporas. Adjusting to the so called white norm that is.

For a while now I have wondered what ”adequate” really even means and why should I bother to be bothered about someone else expecting that from me? Because in my memory as a young immigrant child in Stockholm it hadn’t just been two different sets of the meaning of the word ”adequate” in the dual cultures that I grew up in but many other ones. Especially when I recall my entire neighborhood at that time. We lived in a suburb where immigrant population was high and it had always been different standards of parenting styles alternating from the Swedish norm but at the same time that we were all adjusting and assimilating to gradually as time went.

In fact I remember as a very young child sitting on the subway with my family wondering and asking my dad as usual a number of irritating questions as some (maybe annoying) kids sometimes do. (And in my family I must have been that one type of kid) Anyway I remember vividly how shocking the new norm that I had arrived to was in comparison from what was ”normal” in my world before.  I kept wondering how funny people looked and acted like in this new country, little did I know the people of this country were also looking at me with similar wonder?

It was a wintery december in the middle of the eighties and as a newly arrived child I consistently and curiously asked my father often with deep sympathy and vague sadness in my heart why and how almost all people in the train we sat on were always so incredibly white? And had so very sharp noses? And such very thin lips? He and my mother just laughed at me and explained simply that this is the way people look like here. But I still doubted and was a little resistent to believe them. I thought that I will prove them wrong soon if I just find and discover normal people like me again around somewhere. They must be somewhere

Maybe people like my grandpa and grandma or my uncles my aunties my friends and cousins, but couldn’t find any, even if turned around every person and took a proper look at them. Surely the entire country can not be affected by a disaster of looking like this I thought hesitantly? Mom and dad must have been mistaking? But eventually I learned to accept that the only brown people who I will see that looked like me/us here were some of those that my family visited or were visited by regularly. But the norm as my parents said was what it was.

And reminiscing with a smile back on the past now just made me realize that the word ”adequate” Is not only outdated and irrelevant for my becoming of me but also doesn’t apply to this generation at all. Not any more and not in the same way. We are not adequate and weren’t meant to be adequate. We were made to think that way. And in this context, It isn’t just an old ghostlike irrelevant word from old memories. But the word ’adequate’ as well as the word ’norm’ are both unnecessary for us today right here and now. It is up to anyone to decide and define how to singlehandedly or collectively reshape themselves and create new norms without specifically adhering to any other norms.

Thus knowing ones true ’self’ and ones identity is so so so very important to us all in order to do that. So get busy living, getting to know and defining yourselves as well as getting the kids to do the same before anyone else or any other words are used to define you and yours. Realizing this also makes me and understand why I have chosen to follow my inner intensions and go on my own path to design forth my coming collection that I am creating with the intuitiv need to redefine my own identity. This way I can also add to all of you with my ancestral cultural Identity. I call it an expression of self love and self definition. I look forward to show the final work soon and hope you will like it too. But for now I like to encourage anyone who is on their path to self love and self definition. To keep going until you get there ! 😉